611 W. Union Street
Benson, AZ 85602
(520) 586-0800

Health Choice Integrated Care crisis Line

AzCH Nurse Assist Line


611 W. Union Street
Benson, AZ 85602
(520) 586-0800

AzCH Nurse Assist Line


powered by centersite dot net

Getting Started
Here are some forms to get started. These can be printed and brought with you so that you can pre-fill out some known info ahead of time. More...

Life Issues
Basic InformationLatest NewsQuestions and Answers
Trying to ForgetPlease Help Me..Was my therapist wrong or am I just freaking out?Boyfriend's skeletons and friends' opinionsHelping my almost 19 year old daughter face the real worldLove but Different ReligionsWhat is wrong with me? I Don't care anymore...Cannot support old friend in her affairWhat Is A 'Complex'?Friend's Downward SpiralOut Of Control FriendSeriously JealousAntisocial And UncommunicativeEmotional OrphanPossessive Ex-GirlfriendDelusional FriendDelusional FriendDirty NieceLying About IllnessAbsence of ClosenessHeart of DarknessSuicidal TeenHow Can I Help My Friend?Am I Happy?Cruel FriendAngry But Over-ControlledSingle, Stressed And GuiltyGetting Beyond ThisIt's Hard To Trust AgainReader Comment #1Obsessive LoveI'm Attracted To My TherapistNot Allowed To Contact My BoyfriendAm I Paranoid?I Love My TherapistLanguage Fluency EnvySecurity BlanketHer Only FriendHow To Become EmpathicDid He Or Didn't He?Making FriendsProcrastinationFreshman in LoveExternalizationMs. MiseryHaunted College StudentProfessional BoundariesPushy FriendAbsent TherapistObsessionSuicide Threat Relationships (a long one)TrustCompulsive LyingI Can't Tell a LieProcrastinationBlushingEnergy Draining FriendDrinking ProblemTerminal ProcrastinatorShy GuyToxic PeopleDepression and FriendshipHelp Yourself by Helping OthersPublic DisplayWhy Am I Running Away?How Can I Help My Friend?Wealth EnvyBeautiful DreamerMiss LonelyDual RelationshipSo-CalledIs She Playing Hard to Get?Falling for My MentorTeacher's Pet?ReunitedSomeone Else's LoveMy Sense of Humor...I'm a Homebody...Remember Me?Friend's New Fling
LinksBook Reviews
Related Topics

Sexuality & Sexual Problems
Family & Relationship Issues
Grief & Bereavement Issues
Death & Dying

Ask Anne: Relationship AdviceAsk Anne:
Relationship Questions

Angry But Over-Controlled

I feel like I am a failure as an adult. I am 28, but emotionally, I feel like a teenager or a child. Sometime in my growing-up years--blame it on my family, my school, the Catholic Church, whatever--I got the message that anger is forbidden, and letting someone know that you're angry is especially wrong. I grew up in a loving but strict household where Mom and Dad's word was always law, right after the Bible, and I was an overachiever of the highest degree, always trying to be the best at everything and feeling inadequate if I wasn't good at something. I repressed a lot of my disagreements with my parents and kept a lot of information from them in the interest of being a "good daughter." To this day, I am afraid to disagree with my parents, even though some painful family issues are arising and/or getting worse. My beloved grandparents are starting to fail physically and get forgetful, and my mother treats them like children, although they are still relatively sound. There's been animosity between my mother and her brother and his family for years, but no one has the courage to discuss it. I've always loved my uncle and his family, and I have been forced to hear the complaints from every side. To top it off, my favorite cousin, who is my aunt and uncle's eldest daughter, is dating my ex-boyfriend. I am angry with her, but I have to deny it for the sake of her happiness and the family's peace. My mother told me I had no right to be angry, and yet she is still angry at my cousin about this. That's just a short list of ways that I have not been permitted to express anger or disagreement, with family, friends, employers, strangers. I am tired of having to hold it all in. Two weeks ago, I was in the emergency room with chest pains due to an anxiety attack (all tests came back OK; doctor told me it was muscle strain or pleurisy). I've had several other attacks, I have headaches and other pain frequently, my menstrual cycle is out of whack even with the Pill, I'm obese because I stuff down anger with food, and I think I may be developing an ulcer. All my repressed anger also is making my mental health problems worse. I want to be able to disagree with my family (and others) in a respectful way. I want to let them all know I won't tolerate backbiting or other cruelties. I want to tell my mother that I love her, but I love my grandparents too and don't like to see her treat them the way she does. I want to be able to tell my father (a Vietnam vet) that I am against war because I respect veterans and active members of our military, not out of disrespect. I want to tell my cousin that I am angry so that I can start truly forgiving her. Please help me get started. I don't want to hurt anyone with my anger, but I don't want to end up getting hurt myself.



  • 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by 'Anne' to people submitting questions.
  • 'Anne', Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. 'Anne' and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.