My wife and I are very different sexually. I have a few fetishes and she is completely vanilla. She doesn't like anything I like. We were together since a very young age and got married very young. We didn't really get to figure out who we are before we got married. She pushed to get married early and then pushed for kids. Now, 15 years and two children later, I'm having trouble getting into her identical routine of bland sex.
She always thought it was the way she looked after having two kids, but the truth is I love her just the way she is and I find her very attractive. It's just the act of doing the same old thing that I can't stand anymore.
Our sex life has suffered tremendously. We have been seeing a family therapist but the sexual problems go unaddressed for the most part. We have tried endlessly to introduce her to some of the thing I like but it's very obvious she hates it and is very uncomfortable when doing them. I never force her to do anything she doesn't like even if she pretends it doesn't bother her.
So I have kept that part of my sexuality locked away for sometime now. She never brings it up, but it's killing me. I love my family, but I don't know how much longer I can live a lie. I want to know if this problem of incompatibility can be resolved or is divorce inevitable.
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
No correspondence takes place.
No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.