Unwanted ThoughtsThu, Sep 27th 2012
First off, I would like to say that writing is a big step for me because I am very ashamed of what I am about to say. For the last two years or so I have been experiencing very scary thoughts. It all started shortly after my daughter was born. I had a dream, I can't believe I'm about to tell you this, and it involved me having sex with a child. I woke myself up from this dream. My daughter was only a few months old at the time. I was so ashamed of this dream that, ever since then, my mind thinks any kind of sexual thought it can come up with, is VERY disturbing.
I am not a pedophile. I love my daughter more than words can express. I do not receive any kind of sexual arousal from these thoughts. I have confided in my mother about this, and she has told me that, if I was a pedophile or whatever, I wouldn't think these thoughts were wrong. That's supposed to make me feel better but it doesn't. I can't seem to get past the guilt and I can't stop these images that pop up into my head.
I used to be a happy go lucky type of person, but now I'm always worried about what I am going to think of next or I catch myself not thinking of something. Sometimes I am so scared of these thoughts that it makes me sick and I wonder if this is ever goinig to stop!!
Please help me and give me some answers. I want my old self back!
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