My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 8.. We have 4 terrific children together and never had any issues in our marriage until the last few years.
I am the youngest of 7 children and the first married. My family is very close. About 6 years ago we lost my eldest sister to cancer and it was very devastating to my entire family. Two of my siblings, who happen to be twins, have developed alcohol problems since my sister's passing, which is most likely, directly related.
My brother, who's problem has become very serious, is very close to my kids, and he was my best friend growing up. After a few stints in rehab, and 2 months of sobriety, he recently relapsed again and I had to take him to a hospital for detox.
The problem, other than the obvious, is that my wife and I have become very divided on what is acceptable in regards to our relationship, and our kid's relationship, with not only my brother, but my family as a whole. It is her opinion that our kids should not be allowed at their grandparent's home because this is where he lives. She has become very cautious about our children's safety around any member of my family stating that, if they are allowing this to continue to happen, then their judgment is questionable and, therefore, could be lax in regard to the well being of our kids. She will not allow me to take any of our kids (ages 5,4,2, and 10 mos) to anywhere my brother may be.
This situation has become very difficult for me as I care for her very much, and am understanding of her desire to keep our kids safe at all costs, but it makes me feel like I am turning my back on my family during a time of need, and punishing them all for the actions of my brother.
At this point, I am very conflicted, as I really don't know what the right answer is and would like to figure out how we can move forward together as opposed to continuing to grow apart.
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
Marriage Corner staff respond to your marriage problems questions from the perspective of training in clinical mental health and psychotherapy.
The intent of Marriage Corner and Mentalhelp.net is to provide to provide general educational information to the readership of this website. Responses from staff and readers should not be understood as psychotherapy or specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by the Mentalhelp.net staff or to people making their submissions. No correspondence takes place.
Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. MentalHelp.net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. This includes making any changes to your personal relationships. If you are taking medications or are in psychotherapy, do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication and do not stop psychotherapy without first consulting with your physician or psychotherapist.